Compassion is the root of self-esteem. Having compassion for yourself allows you to love, respect and accept yourself truly. Why is it that you struggle with compassion so much? One of the reasons for this, in today’s society, is compassion fatigue. This is for all of you that provide care to others, be it in any form of service or care-giving role. Compassion fatigue signals to you that you are reaching the end of your rope. It signals that you are devoting too much care and concern for others and not enough for yourself.
You are constantly bombarded with tragic news and visceral TV shows and films and coupled with this is exposure to trauma which you have experienced first-hand in our lives. You are continuously told to feel and do for others, but this often means that you lack the same level of care and compassion for yourself. This causes a form of secondary traumatic stress, which destabilises you and numbs you. Often the “cost of caring” is too high within your life, that you begin to shut down and shut off physically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually.
If you are feeling “sandwiched” between the weight of everyone’s problems and stress, it can be challenging to find the space to care for and nurture yourself properly. This can stem right from your formative years. Surviving toxic or abusive childhoods can result in the formation of poor behavioural patterns which can lead to higher levels of compassion fatigue later on in life, especially when you need to start caring for yourself. When you are put in the position of caring for others at an early age, you learn to put the needs and expectations of others before your own. The boundaries you erect are feeble and lacking, with an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, all the while carrying the unresolved trauma deep within.
While there is no magic pill or special spell that can rid you of compassion fatigue, there are mechanisms you can put in place to regain that soft, caring part of yourself. You can begin to love, care and respect yourself again to ensure that your self-esteem can flourish and grow into the nurturing and protective asset it was always meant to be. As with many things, compassion is a skill that can be honed and improved through a few simple changes you make in your life.
These are just a handful of small, incremental steps you can take to start feeling more genuine compassion for yourself and subsequently others.
1. Limit the amount of shocking, visceral media you consume during the day. This does not mean you need to be isolated from the world or lagging behind on what is trending. You are making a conscious effort to realign your priorities and focus on what nourishes and enriches your life. Constantly scrolling through Instagram, which makes you feel jealous and insecure, or watching crude or violent movies before bed, all have dampening effects on your ability to be compassionate towards yourself and others.
2. Do not carry resentment for the things you have done for others and continue to do them anyway. Be honest – with yourself and them. Do not do something that will build resentment, rather politely say no or offer an alternative. There is no point in serving others from a negative space. Instead, focus your time on helping yourself so that you are better equipped to serve others from a place of true kindness.
3. Reach out to a professional. I offer self-esteem development groups where we learn to manage our lives and implement workable tools to transform your life into one that you never thought was possible. My development groups give you access not only to me but a whole host of insightful individuals that are going through the same things as you. We learn, grow and teach each other in these groups.
Try implementing at least one of these tips, to ensure you bring more real compassion into your life. It will only benefit you and the people closest to you. Remember that you cannot truly have compassion for others if you cannot have it for yourself. Having compassion for yourself is the start of seeing your self-worth and value. They are there, they are constant, but having compassion allows you to truly see yourself for the unique, capable, talented and driven person you are.
If you want to unlearn and strip away all the years of abuse, drama and toxicity in yourself and awaken your compassion and self-esteem, then please feel free to contact me!
