Most of the time, I am very aware of the voice inside my head. Rolling out my thoughts 24hrs a day. Sometimes the ideas are unimportant whilst other times they cloud my mind and affect my actions and judgement. This voice inside my head also plays a massive role in how I feel about myself day to day, which can sometimes morph into overarching views about myself. Do you experience this too?
Well, it’s called self-talk, and it can have either very damaging or positive outcomes based on how we speak to ourselves. Self-talk that presents itself negatively in your mind can manifest in various ways, these are situational and can be simplified into four main categories:
Polarising, this is when you are conditioned to see the world and its events strictly in black or white. This is unhealthy as you could tend to remove yourself from certain situations just because you think the outcome is predetermined and not in your favour.
Catastrophising is expecting the worst and denouncing logic and rationale. This is problematic as it will keep your mind in a pessimistic mode of thinking about yourself and the situations you could potentially find yourself in.
Magnifying is when you zoom in on the negative aspects of yourself and your surroundings and ignoring all the beauty and positivity in your life.
Personalising is blaming yourself for the adverse outcomes in your life despite the truth of the situation, which is wholly inaccurate, and it distorts responsibility and places you as a victim in your own life.
For example, you make a joke at a friend’s dinner party at which you don’t know many people there, so you only get awkward glances and a few chuckles, what do you tell yourself in that moment or on the way home? “Why did I say anything, I know I’m not that funny. I am so embarrassing!” or “It’s too bad no one found my joke funny, maybe I should start off slow, but at least I put myself out there.”
Often the way in which we speak to ourselves looks more like the first comment as opposed to the second. This can create so many complex problems with the way you would interact in a social setting going forward. You will start to question yourself the next time you felt like making a comment or joke. The fear of embarrassment and rejection could potentially hinder you from appearing at the next social event.
Whilst the second comment would give you the courage to try again, maybe with a different approach. Still, it would enable you to keep your confidence up and also get you comfortable with failure and unfavourable outcomes. It is a much more positive and uplifting way in which to think about yourself, the scenario as well as future scenarios.
As I mentioned, we often negatively speak to ourselves. We learn this behaviour as children when peers, parents and teachers make comments that hurt us and distort our beliefs about ourselves. Over time these messages and signals stick in our mind and play on repeat become our own personal anthems. They fuel our feelings of selfishness, anger, guilt, lack of worth and disappointment.
We need to write new anthems and overwrite the negative self-talk that has defined us for so long. We need to show ourselves how truly special and worthy we are, firstly of the love from ourselves as well as the love from others. We need to tap into the loving, nurturing and positive self-talk that will push us to new heights and see us through tough times.
Positive self-talk can benefit you in a myriad of ways. It can assist you in building and maintaining better relationships with others. This is because you feel more self-assured and confident in who you are and how you express yourself to others. By treating yourself with love and respect you are less likely to feel envious or jealous of the people around you and as such you will find that there will be improved communication as well as cooperation with those closest to you. You’re more likely to compliment others owing to the fact that you do not see them as a threat any longer.
Confidence is also an added bonus that you get when you start reframing the way in which you speak to yourself. It also gives you a sense of resilience and a way in which to work around situations that you previously would not have been able to.
On the whole, we need to rely on the opinions we have of ourselves that are true and kind. We need to push ourselves in a positive and supportive way. Yes, this can be challenging, but it is well worth the effort and mindset change. Over the next few months, I will be delving into self-talk as well as other facets of self-esteem, so please keep up with me regularly. I will be sharing tips and tricks that you can implement at home. Please feel free to visit my website and book a consultation with me, where we can dig deep and find the supportive inner voice, I know you have inside.
